Mary Manhattan bests imposter syndrome

Had a fantastic time over the weekend facilitating a career river session for the Women in Journalism workshop! Reach out to learn more about bringing career river discussions to your events or workplaces.

Mary Manhattan is as confident as she sounds. Quick to smile and always put together, she briskly tackles any task with gusto.

She is also entirely fictional.

My mom used Mary Manhattan as an alter ego when she needed some extra oomph to get through the day. She’s now bequeathed the name and its mysterious power to me, courtesy of a custom nameplate I keep on my desk. If I’m not feeling up to the challenge of the moment, I can put out that nameplate and — presto — Mary gets to work.

Of course, conquering our fears of inadequacy takes more than a zippy name and a prop. But it’s a good place to start.

The truth is, everyone is a beginner at some point. But you’d never know it based on the career ladder. Step up a rung and bam, now you are the Vice President of Strategic Initiatives, and naturally you will excel at vice presidenting those strategic initiatives. It’s who you are! There’s no room in this model for growth or learning on the job. 

For that reason, I often see people count themselves out of opportunities because they are not currently experts in that area. Instead of celebrating progress, they are measuring themselves against an impossible standard. It’s a catch-22: you’re supposed to know everything to get a new role, but you can only gain some knowledge once you’re in that position.

Our culture of individualistic achievement doesn’t help here. Scratch the surface, though, and there are fascinating stories to be found of household names who faked it til they made it. In this roundup of luminaries such as David Bowie, Starbucks’ Howard Schultz and Maya Angelou discussing imposter syndrome, Tina Fey puts it beautifully:

"The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of: 'I'm a fraud! Oh god, they're on to me! I'm a fraud!' So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud."

If we’re going to reject the career ladder and all its associated expectations around excellence, it’s time we started finding ways to slide through feeling we’re frauds. Here are a few tips to take ourselves out of the “I can’t do this” mindset into “why can’t I do this?”

• Ask yourself what the job title would do — then do it. Often it takes a dash of confidence to get us on the right path. “Hmm…what would a vice president of strategic initiatives say?”
• Take a page out of Adam Grant’s book Hidden Potential. He has an advisory group give him a score on a scale of 1-10 for his work, and he keeps working at it until he reaches his goal number (which, by the way, is not a perfect 10).
• Ask a friend for help (or ask yourself what you would tell someone in your shoes). Research shows taking someone else’s perspective helps us make good choices.
• When hiring, actively encourage candidates to combat imposter syndrome with transparency, as with the 'dumpsterfire jugglebus' job FAQ.

We can collectively create a more holistic approach to working and living. It starts by being honest with ourselves and others about what we can reasonably accomplish. Let’s fight imposter syndrome by recognizing evolution is an essential ingredient of our professional journey. We’re all posing at first, until eventually the lines blur and we realize we’ve become more comfortable in the role that felt out of reach not long ago. 

When I need a little Mary Manhattan in my life, it’s still me tackling the challenge. Mary just lets me believe that I can.

Happy navigating,
Bridget

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Preview image by Terry Robinson.