The Cocktail Party Challenge

How would you answer “So, what do you do?” if you couldn’t say your job title?

We’ve all been asked this at work events and in our personal lives, pretty much anytime you’re getting to know someone. “What do you do” is up there with “Where are you from” on the Getting to Know You Playlist.

Which is why it’s a perfect starting place to debunk the career ladder myth.

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Innocuous as it seems, “what do you do” is actually loaded with career ladder expectations. It’s odd, when you stop to think about it, that your response to a question about what you do is supposed to start with a declaration about who you are. “I am a journalist/teacher/astronaut,” we say, indicating which rung we’re currently on.

This locks us into a very narrow view of who we can be. Essentially this scripted interaction is declaring that the job you currently have is your identity. There’s not much room to shift in new directions if that’s the case.

Enter the Cocktail Party Challenge.

When you’re asked what you do, don’t say “I am.” Instead, describe how you help achieve something in three sentences (or less): how you help, what that currently looks like, what you’re interested in exploring.

Here’s what a friend of mine said when she took the challenge:

I help companies pay people correctly, give them meaningful benefits, and run the systems used to keep track of it all.

Essentially, I give people the things they need at work so they can enjoy their time away from work.

I accomplish this by managing a team of 30 and am currently challenging them to think differently and utilize technology to allow them and their coworkers a better work life balance.

That says a whole lot more than “I’m an HR executive.” And it more clearly demonstrates that the role she has now is just one possible outlet for her interests and abilities.

This exercise uncovers the why behind our career choices, and opens the door for deeper connections with others.

Flipping the script

Taking the Cocktail Party Challenge also means reframing our go-to question slightly. You can issue the challenge as a game: “Would you tell me what you do without saying your job title and I’ll see if I can guess?” Or ease them into it as a follow-up after getting the “I am” out of the way: “What are some things your work makes possible?” Or “Is there anything you’ve been interested in exploring?”

We even push this narrow, job title-obsessed way of thinking on children when asking “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Instead of “I am,” their answer is supposed to be “I want to be a…” (insert “journalist/teacher/astronaut” role). It doesn’t leave kids open to think about how they could apply their skills in different roles over the course of their career, or all the interests they could pursue outside of work.

Instead, imagine the possibilities if we started encouraging kids to think about how they want to be in the professional world, not who.

Predictably, when I asked my fourth-grader about his ideas for when he grows up, his first response was he wants to play in the NBA. But as I asked him to think more about how he wanted to be as an adult, he opened up. He talked about:

• getting outdoors
• donating some of his money to help people
• wanting to entertain people (perhaps with more cartoons)
• being surrounded by his kids
• and how he’d keep his baby safe.

That’s a fuller picture of a life worth living than just one possible job title.

We can show children that they can apply their skills in many different ways, that they don’t have to commit to one job that will define them but instead can pursue what fulfills them, and we can give ourselves permission to do so as well.

The next time someone asks you what you do, take the challenge to give a fuller picture of your interests, abilities and potential. I bet you’ll find the conversation is richer and you make a more meaningful connection. And it might just encourage those who hear it to think more broadly about what they can explore, too.

Happy navigating,
Bridget

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